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Goofer Power-CAUTION

and in the meantime is in a fugue state. I can’t be held accountable for any damages or injuries to, or loss of, your mind while visiting Goof City.

I will soon regain control of my URL.


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This Day in Goofery

November 30
1960: Paul McCartney and drummer Pete Best arrested for attempted arson

Ever wonder why flaming condoms and Paul McCartney are so often mentioned together? Well, your mayor wonders why they are not! As Wikipedia relates:

In October 1960, the left Koschmider’s club to work at the Top Ten Club, which was run by Peter Eckhorn, as he offered the group more money, and a slightly better place to sleep, although by doing so they broke their contract with Koschmider. When Best and McCartney went back to the Bambi Kino to retrieve their belongings they found it in almost total darkness. As a snub to Koschmider, McCartney found a condom, attached it to a nail on the concrete wall of the room, and set it alight. There was no real damage done, but Koschmider reported them both for attempted arson. Best and McCartney spent three hours in a local prison and were subsequently deported, as was George Harrison, for working under the legal age limit, on 30 November 1960.

Source: Arson my arse!

Other accounts of the incident have them lighting rags or fabric in order to see in the dark club, but here in Goof City we prefer to believe that McCartney burned a condom out of spite. So much goofier than just plain wanting to see what you’re doing. They did end up in jail and were later deported from Germany to England for working underage.

Of course he is hardly the only youth to pull such stunts.

Young filmmaker JAAJPyroStreet on his YouTube channel, “Lets Burn Shit!” demonstrates Condom Burning 101, in the short film, “Flaming Condom!”

Source: JJAYPyroStreet

This, I believe, was the searing sequel to Flaming Tenis Ball! wherein he documents himself and a friend “lighting a tenis ball on fire and throwing a condom at it!!!!!” (The condom misses, perhaps suggesting the second film.) Judging from the order in which they are posted, Flaming Tenis Ball! and Flaming Condom!, led to the third of what I will coin, if I may, the term, JAAJProStreet’s Flaming TrilogyFlaming Tenis Ball in Cup Lit on Fire! In this masterful final take on the evanescence of life, the condom is merely alluded to.

Of course, Goof City advises you restrict your burning to Black Rock City, and instead enjoy the trailer for “Kid Tries to Break Pencil on Head.” In this provocative teaser we don’t find out if he succeeds in breaking it! Or perhaps “tries” is the point. Oh the humanity!

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This Day in Goofery

May 3
1955: Birth of Alexandra Jones, sine qua non and Mayor-for-life of Goof City

Writer, photographer, Bach freak, Hunger Artist, goof, Alexandra Jones was born on May 3rd, 1955, in a log cabin she helped her father build, in Philadelphia, land of logs. Logs grew on trees back then, and they were ripe for the picking. “Philadelphia” actually means “City of Brotherly Logs.” Either that or “I love my brother Phil.”

There is no way to determine the very many ways the world would have been different without Mayor Jones–perhaps Bedford Falls would have gone to seed after all–but for certain is, you wouldn’t be reading this Goof City website right now; so whether you’ve met her or not, she has touched your life, even if not initiated by the butterfly effect.

Mayor Jones’s mission in life is to goof, to encourage goofery by goofing by example, and showcase and enable goofery in all its goofy guises by providing the goofy environment of Goof City for all your goofing needs. If it weren’t for goofery, some of us, “the small army,” as a parking lot attendant describes us goofs in “The Parking Lot Movie,” would have a grim time fending off the “large army” of all the other boring, deadly, evil people in the world. Of which there is no shortage! Some just are not born with the gift of goofery, but there is always hope: the only requirement for goofing is the ability to not take yourself too seriously. As soon as someone cracks an unintended smile, the goofy foot is in the door, and it’s only a matter of time before it busts wide open with a belly laugh. That is the goofosophy–the wisdom of goofery–that holds Goof City together. Anyone can goof, and the City evolved as a loving environment in which to nourish your inner goof.

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Love Me or Die

January 16, 2010 by

from: “Hoodoo in Theory and Practice.” by Catherine Yronwode

“This is a conjure hand for coercive love that was related to by a 50-55 year old woman customer in a candle store on Maxwell Street in Chicago in 1965. She said, ‘If you want a man to love you and he absolutely refuses, you can goofer him to love you — you know, make him *sick* to love you.’ Here is her recipe.

“You will need:
his hair
your hair
a small John the Conqueror root
Goofer Dust (or Graveyard Dirt)
Love Me sachet powder
a piece of brown paper (torn on all four sides from a paper bag)
a waterproof ink pen that writes red
a waterproof ink pen that writes black
a brand new spool of red sewing thread
a red flannel bag
a sharp pen knife

“On the paper, write his full name 7 times in black ink, then rotate the paper and write LOVE ME OR DIE over his name 7 times in red ink, crossing it and covering it. Set the paper aside. Use the pen knife to carve a slit-shaped hole in the root and wedge your hair and his hair in there together. Then pack the slit tight with a mixture of Goofer Dust and Love Me sachet powder. Thoroughly wet the written-on paper with your urine and wrap it around the root, pressing and forming it as you would papier mache, to keep the hairs and powders inside. While it is still wet, wrap it up in the red thread, going round and around very neatly, like a ball of twine, until the paper is entirely covered. When you are done, tie the thread off with seven knots and leave a length of thread to hang it from. You can double or triple the hanging-thread for strength, and finish it with a loop for your finger.

“Carry the prepared root in a red flannel bag and moisten it with your urine when needed. Hold it by its hanging-thread to “operate” it, swinging it back and forth or round and around toward you as you call the man’s name, to draw him to you. Get a rhythm going, and say his name, like this, over and over: “, love me or die.”

” ‘You do this,’ the woman told me, ‘and the man will either love you or he’ll get real sick. If he gets sick, don’t let up; just keep your urine wet on that thing, just keep working with it. That’s the way you get him, you weaken him. When he is about finished, you can nurse him back to health. Then he’s all yours.’ …

“The making of this love spell is an exercise in working with pairs of opposites: The Love powder is mixed with Goofer Dust. The John root is male (looks like a testicle) and you cut a slit-like hole (a symbolic “pussy”) in it to make him less strong and masculine, what they call ‘pussy whipped.” You mix your hair and his hair up together, so he will be as obsessed as you are. You offer him the choice ‘Love me or die.’ When he gets sick, you nurse him back to health. The whole thing is about mixing opposing pairs — male/female, love/death, sickness/health, him/you — into one mess. …

“The name Jack ball probably originally referred to the little rubber balls used for playing the children’s game of Jacks, which used to be made of wound-up red rubber strings. Not all Jacks have a John the Conqueror root at their center, but since Jack is the diminutive form of John, if any Jack has a right to that name, this one does.”

Source: Lucky Mojo Curio Co.

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